Dietitis

I have been thinking a lot about why I continue to ride the weight loss/gain train. Just when I think that I have cured myself of the cunning ways of carbohydrates, I find myself being wooed, senses dulled with the promise of mouth watering pastries. It could be something as simple as a wafting smell of popcorn at the movies or the sight of fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies and I am back in their loving arms…I am such a push over!

I think that I have finally figured out why I am so weak when it comes to food, pure pressure. Yep, you heard me right…pure pressure. Now, I can’t really blame my friends and family for my food weaknesses, after all, it is not like they are forcing food down my throat, heck, I think half the time its my idea to go get something to eat. What is wrong with me? (That was a rhetorical question) I have decided that I suffer from a sad case of wantingtoeatwhatIwantandbeskinnywithoutdoinganythingaboutititis. It is a sad reality I know, but that is the crux of it; that and the fact that I think that I relate to others through food.

When you don’t have a family to cook for you tend to eat out a lot and when you are the only one eating healthy there is a feeling of not quite fitting in. It is like we, or I bond with others through food. I seriously need to change this way of thinking. My problem is that I do not know how to be that girl who eats the same way at a restaurant that she eats while at home. Scratch that…I do eat that way, just not in the healthy sense. Please don’t think that I lack the desire to be healthy and thin…In my mind I look gooooood!

If you have any advice as to how to take this insight and turn it into healthy thinking, I would appreciate it. Until then I will try to reclaim the shorts that my thighs are currently holding hostage and attempt to counteract my eating through exercise.

While I've been away...

Sorry that it has been soooo long since I have updated my blog, I have had some computer issues. Let me update you on the goings on in my life.

1.School has kept me busy, busy guessing that is. The program that I am in seems to be flying by the seat of its pants. Is how most grad programs are? No yearly calender to say when classes begin or end, registration is done through your counselor, just finding out that quarters are done on an accelerated program so they only last 4 weeks. All of this information would have been good to know before I started the program. :) (not that it would have changed anything)

I just finished my last class yesterday so I am anxiously waiting for the results of the final. I have to maintain a 3.0 GPA to stay in the program and while I am confident in my abilities, I still get a little nervous.

2. My good friend from work just found out that her 2yr old grandson (with whom she has been raising since he was 6mos) has Leukemia. She walked into the er on a Tuesday morning thinking that maybe he had an infection of some kind, would get some antibiotics and be on their way. By Tuesday evening he was admitted to the hospital, told he had Leukemia and started on chemo the next day. Such a devastating day. The good news is that of all the strains of Leukemia out there, his is the most curable, though he will be doing treatments for the next three years. Right now he is home and as he puts it, "mama, I happy now".

3. As some of you may know I donated bone marrow three years ago to a 16 year old girl with the same disease. Unfortunately she passed away shortly after the transplant, but I was thankful for the opportunity just the same. Last Friday I got a call from the Puget Sound blood bank telling me that I have been requested to donate again. This time I will be donating my stem cells which will require a series of growth hormone injections done over a week followed by an extraction. Blood is taken out of one arm "sorted" then put back into my body through the other arm. On May 18th, yes, the anniversary of Mt. St. Helen's' eruption I will spend the day doing this donation-much less invasive then what I did before, which I appreciate. The only information I know about the recipient is that she is a 62 year old woman.

4. Finally, my 4 year old laptop has decided it no longer wants to play so I am forced, yes, forced to go buy a new one. I hadn't realized how attached I am to my laptop. I have been forced (there's that word again :)) to use my parent's desk top which, is a little too bulky to rest on my lap. Today I am off to go search out my options, sadly MAC is out of the running (Jeff, Ken and Lucy) as I am looking for a laptop that is UNDER $800. Call me cheap, but I really would rather spend my money on fun things like traveling, or shoes.

So there you have it, now you are updated on some of the things that have been going on with me.

The first day of school

Today I officially started my grad school program. It is kind of weird because this particular class is every Sunday through May 6th. This is a pre-requisite to the rest of the program and since all other classes are on Saturdays the administration thought a Sunday class would make the most sense.

As I prepared to leave for class I wondered what kind of people would be there. Would they be professionals or would they be young "kids" fresh out of college? I wanted to look somewhat professional so I opted NOT to wear my sweats,(The class goes from 8:30am to 2:30pm) and made sure that I got up a little early to do my hair and makeup.(1st impressions you know) With my book bag once again in hand, I took a deep breath and headed off to school. I will admit that I felt a little relieved when I walked in to find that the majority of the students were "seasoned" professionals. The old school 3-ring binder that I brought with me to take notes fit right in.

I was feeling alright for the first few minutes, and then... the introductions started. My introduction came towards the end, (I tend to be a middle, to back of the room kind of student)and I was feeling incredibly inadequate. As each person listed their credentials and multiple degrees, my mind wandered to the scene in "Legally Blond" where Elle meets her fellow law students and her intro was all about how she stopped Cameron Diaz from buying a truly heinous orange outfit. I racked my brain for an interesting intro that would validate my acceptance to the program. I have to say that what I lack in experience, I definitely make up for in my desire and passion to make the school systems better. Despite that, I felt like I held my own but went on my first break texting Jeff about how intimidated I was feeling. I honestly was beginning to wonder if I was WAAAY out of my league.

My instinct to run out of the school and never look back was hindered by the fact that I left my books and computer in the classroom. Curses! I walked back into the room with my head held much higher than I felt and reclaimed my seat next to the overachievers, (do these people believe in having a personal life?). The professor, (who is the program administrator by the way) went through the syllabi's and by the time we were done with that I was starting to feel more confident about my ability to succeed in the program. We were placed into groups shortly after the expectations were hashed out and quickly found that the students are all really nice and non-judgemental. We were given questions regarding counseling that we needed to answer and I actually felt that I could give intelligent answers that were appropriate to the subject, despite my lack of experience in a school setting. (Jeanna, I even used your Reality Town experience as an example, thanks)

Though my day started off really shaky, it ended with a renewed faith in my latest endeavor. I feel like I will do well in this program and ultimately be able to help kids succeed in their lives. I met some really nice people that are respectful of the others ideas in the class. (What else would you expect in a room full of would be counselors?) I am sure that I will have more moments of feeling inadequate, but hey, that's what friends are for; reminding you that those feelings will pass. I will thank you all now in advance.

Activity Night

Every other Wednesday I meet with twelve young girls all between the ages of 8to 11 years old. My co-chair and I plan various activities to keep them entertained for a little over an hour. Some of the activities are really engaging and keep the VERY energetic girls occupied, while others seem to send them into this wild frenzy. This evening we had a guest come in to teach the girls a dance routine, (very basic) to the theme song for "Tarzan". Ellie, the dance instructor, was very patient when a few of the girls decided to display their skills performing "The Worm". The older girls did really well and seemed to be really into learning the dance while the younger ones entertained themselves by doing the splits, hitting each other and running aimlessly around the room.

Sue, my co-chair and I have been discussing the unruliness of our group and after repeatedly asking the girls to pay attention to our guest, she'd had enough. The girls were asked to come sit on the carpet where, with our prompting, they came up with a list of rules that they should follow while at activity night.
Most of the rules they came up with were pretty common, ie: Be respectful of others, raise your hand when you want to say something, and think before you speak. Some of the not so helpful suggestions: Don't do the splits, only one person can go potty at a time(don't ask) and don't lay on the floor.

After our chat the girls really seemed to be adhering to the rules. We will see how things go at our next get together. For our part, we are going to attempt to be a little more strict. Time will tell.

Preparing for grad school

As you all know, I have recently applied to grad school at a local University. I submitted the application and transcripts a little over a month ago. I have been waiting ever so patiently for the school to call and schedule a time for me to meet with the senior faculty,(The final step before being considered for a place in my program). One week after another went by without a phone call so I finally broke down and contacted my would be advisor. When Nicole answered the phone, I asked her why I had not heard from the school yet. She kindly asked me to hold on the line while she pulled my portfolio to see what the problem was. I waited anxiously to hear what she had to say. (I was convinced that it was their fault and that they were slacking) When Nicole returned to the phone she informed me that they were still waiting to receive the rest of my portfolio. Oops! In my defense, I was under the impression that I was supposed to bring the "missing" paperwork to the meeting with the advisers. I explained my confusion to Nicole and promised to have it all in her office within the week. I hung the phone and thought,WOW! Way to show how organized and on top of it you are! :)
I had to go babysit my nephews shortly after the phone call ended so I packed up my laptop and headed out. Lets just say that babysitting two young boys and trying to write three essays about how I will be an asset to the University, do not mix. I was able to write all of the essays but they were in desperate need of some tweaking. Jeff was nice enough to read through my papers and edit them for me,( I must admit that I was a little embarrassed by all of the grammatical errors that I had made). Again, I had written them all in the span of three hours, while helping with homework, baths and video games. I know this sounds like a lame excuse and realistically, I probably am just really rusty. After I finished rewriting the essays, I printed out my edited papers.
With my finished portfolio in hand I ran down to the school on my lunch break to turn it in. I was surprised to find myself feeling very anxious. All of a sudden my future was/is sitting in the hands of an advisor who is going to judge my essays and applications and determine my fate. What if I am not accepted? What if I do get in? Holy Crap! If I do get into school, classes begin in two weeks...that is A LOT to do in a really short amount of time. Oh, the joy...

A new law in Seattle

About a month or two ago the city passed a law that requires any establishment that sells food to provide a list of the calories in each item. The theory behind this is that if people know how much fat and calories they are consuming they will make better choices. While there are some that are poo pooing this idea, I am finding this to be working for me. I love Starbuck's hot chocolate and just learned that a grande without whip is 300 calories. I have since switched to non-fat, tall, no whip hot chocolate which is something like 240 cal.

A little over a month ago Jeff and I went to dinner at CPK (California Pizza Kitchen). I went directly to the rest room while Jeff got our table for us. By the time I got to the table Jeff had a sad look on his face. When I asked what was wrong he said that he could never eat there again. (This is one of his favorite places to eat, so this was indeed a sad day for him) I found in his hand a pamphlet that listed all of the calories in the menu. The salad that he usually gets was something like 800 calories. This was shocking! We then went through the menu to find something that would not instantly attach itself to our arteries and found, (after a lot of rationalizing over all of the calories we had burned exercising earlier in the day) that some of their pizzas were relatively low in fat and calories. We made are choices based on that and felt relatively good about them.

There are some who have said that if they are going to a fast food restaurant they aren't worried about the calories and knowing how fattening they are will not dissuade them from eating fries and a burger. I imagine this is probably true for some but I am finding that I am choosing differently because of this new found information. I will admit there are times that I don't care how fattening something is (I bet you can't guess when those times are:))but those are few and far between. For the most part knowing how many calories are in the food I am about to purchase definitely makes me pause and look for another option that would be just as satisfying.

Facebook

For those of you who are still living in the dark ages and have never heard of facebook it is a website (similar to myspace) where you can connect with friends. I have been apart of facebook for about 6 months now and have really enjoyed it. When I first joined (because of Jeff) I was not that enthralled with it. I am not a huge internet person, I don't like to spend hours at a time on line surfing the net. Never have been, probably never will. It's not that I don't find it entertaining, I just can't think of that many sites to visit. (call me boring)

Facebook has been a great way to re-connect with friends from high school, even some from elementary school. I love that my brothers and cousins are now on there. It is fun to read about what they are doing in their daily lives and to interact with them more frequently than I would otherwise.

The only downside to Facebook is just that, you don't really need to interact with anybody face to face. You can see what they've written and choose to comment or not and they can, in turn, respond to you. As our technology grows our abiliy to interact on a one on one basis decreases. I am not saying that it is a bad thing, I am on it just as much as the next person, but I think that after a while it gets easier to "communicate" on line as opposed to in person or on the phone.
I guess I got a bad taste in my mouth when I had a roommate who would spend hours on end on the internet. She formed friendships with strangers and lived her life through websites and chat rooms. She gradually stopped doing things with other friends and lived to be on line. I know that this is an extreme case, but it was enough to keep me from even coming close to doing the same thing.

I must admit that the Internet is really entertaining and I do see the value in it. As they say...all things in moderation.